October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month


October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

Did you know that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month? This month can be a simple way to open the door to conversations about your feelings and your baby. You may want to talk to your family, friends, your community or maybe your spouse or significant other about your child who died.

You May choose to participate in Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day, by lighting a candle in honor of your baby. Get more information and join others across the nation on October 15th.

Wearing a pink and blue Pregnancy Loss Awareness Ribbon during October, or anytime, is a great way to increase awareness and honor your baby. Pregnancy Loss Awareness Ribbons can be handmade with pink and blue ribbon or purchased. The pins should be worn on the left-hand side just above your heart- where your baby already lives.

Just Beyond the Waves: Help for the Storms of Life

Help for the Storms of LifeMy youngest daughter just had a birthday and we decided to celebrate by taking the family on a dolphin boat cruise. The boat goes  just beyond the waves that roll toward the beach, in search of friendly, fun-to-watch dolphins. We saw dozens of smooth, gray dolphins as they searched for food, swam with their babies, played, and even “surfed” in the wake behind our boat. We couldn’t stop smiling and taking tons of pictures and video of our new-found friends. It’s so amazing what you find just behind the waves.

My family has been facing difficult times during the past few months – like huge waves washing over us…at times knocking us off balance. The experience of discovering something wonderful just beyond the waves felt encouraging. It was a great reminder that good things are waiting behind the swirling water. Even the most ferocious storms come to an end, and the sun shines brightly again. If you’ve ever experienced a hurricane you know the most beautiful, sunny day happens the morning after the storm has passed.

It can be so tough to wait for trails and rough waters to pass us by. You may even find yourself looking for a life raft that can rescue you. When will help arrive? For me, I find my help in my faith. I find comfort in praying and remembering scriptures that give me hope. During these recent, difficult days I have thought about my favorite verse anytime I am feeling anxious or down,

” Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, because I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you and I will lift you up with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

These words give me comfort and remind me that I am not alone. If you are searching for rescue and hope, hold on to your faith. Find a pastor, rabbi, priest, church or trusted friend who can tell you more.

If you have never explored your faith or beliefs, you can find more at Everyday Answers.

No matter what you are facing, remember that just beyond the waves, something good is waiting. The sun will shine again.

Mother’s & Father’s Day: Help for Grieving Parents

man-when-he-does-not-grieve-hardly-exists-quote-1Are you spending Mother’s Day wondering if you are, in fact, a mother? Are you a father dealing with grief as Father Day approaches? 900,000-1 million couples in the U.S. alone face this question every year after suffering pregnancy loss.

As you face the sadness of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, you can both give yourselves a very simple gift – acknowledge that you are a mother and father. You may not have a baby to hold in your arms, but you both have one to hold in your heart.

If you are grieving during this time that we celebrate parenthood, there are some tips that can help. Men and women handle grief very differently, so we have included separate help for each, adapted from the book  Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death.


Nothing will lesson the pain of Mother’s Day, but with some planning you can make sure the day has meaning for you.

Here are some tips that can help:

– Let Your Family Know What You Need.

If you feel uncomfortable being recognized as a mother at a banquet or other function, substitute an activity you would feel good about. If you would rather not receive or wear a flower, then wear an item that helps you to connect with your baby, such as a piece of jewelry that includes the baby’s birthstone.

– Remember Your Baby.

Mother’s Day can be a great time for a husband and wife to talk about their baby and what the baby meant to them. Take a walk, have a quiet dinner, or just set aside some time to remember your baby together.

– Decide Ahead of Time.

The way you chose to spend Mother’s Day should be your decision- and one you make ahead of time. Setting time aside to remember and talk about your baby will make you “feel” more like a mom on the very day designed to do that. Remember that your spouse may experience similar feelings on Father’s Day, so be sure to ask how he would like to spend the day.


After the loss of a baby, Father’s Day can be a painful time for men that isn’t widely discussed or recognized. The lack of understanding and support offered to men makes grief a very complex and difficult situation. Be sure to let your family know how you would like to spend Father’s Day.

 Here are some ways to handle your grief:


 – Talk About It.


You may feel uncomfortable putting your feelings into words, but talking about your loss with trusted loved ones will help. Don’t be afraid to cry and express your emotions. Discuss any questions or concerns that surface about how you are handling your grief, and know that your process will be different, but equal to your wife.


– Ask for Space. 


If you need space to experience grief in your own way without criticism, ask for it. Explain how the time alone can help, rather than giving the impression that you are “shutting out” your loved ones.


– Deal with Anger.


While women may tend to point anger inward, men often direct their anger outward. This can manifest as anger toward your spouse or even God. Remember that expressed anger is a normal and healthy response to grief, however hostile behavior is not. If you are feeling hostile, or having difficulty dealing with anger, get help.


Dealing with pregnancy loss is difficult for anyone; especially on a day designed to celebrate new life, that instead, brings sadness. Mothers and fathers can support one another and ensure the day has meaning for your both.

Are You Practicing “Emotional” First Aid?

We’ve all heard of “first aid” for the body, but how about emotional first aid? We all go to the doctor when our bodies don’t feel well, but we often try to deal with our emotions and our minds without any help at all?

Watch this compelling TED Talk that focuses on our emotional health and ways to heal common heartaches.

Dealing with Grief as a Recovering Addict During the Holidays

Hopexchange is pleased to welcome guest blogger Kailey Fitzgerald. Kailey is a young writer in the recovery community. She has found peace through recovering from substance abuse and trauma. Her life’s passion is to help others do the same.


Christmas was always something I looked forward to. Spending time with my family and getting to see everyone happy and in one place meant everything to me. The Christmas gathering after my grandfather’s passing was a strange, painful, and emotionally numbing experience. Christmas went from one of my favorite times of the year to a day that I dreaded. I explained to my sponsor how I was feeling and she explained to me that being sad and even feeling numb is normal, it is a part of the grieving process. From that moment on, I realized that it was okay to accept my feelings and recognize them as valid.

My realization led me to another; I realized that my grandfather would want us to enjoy Christmas, make new memories, and reminisce on the good times when we began to miss him. But, doing this is easier said than done. My grief still creeps up, so for the times that it does I have developed an array of tools to comfort myself.

Talk to someone you trust when you are struggling.

When you are in recovery, it is vital to remain open and honest about your feelings so they do not cause you to spiral towards a relapse. The reason most addicts use is to cover up any uncomfortable emotions or unwanted memories. In recovery, you learn to reach out to others foremotional support and guidance.

If you are at a holiday dinner and you begin to feel upset, make sure not to ignore your feelings or attempt to stuff them. This will put a stop to your grieving process, making it harder for you to cope in the long run. Reach out to a loved one or sober support and express your feelings. No one will mind, in fact, they may be feeling the same way as you.

Take time out for yourself.

One of the best ways to calm your nerves and clear your head during the holiday season is to make sure that you plan self-care activities. The holidays can get busy and hectic, so scheduling self-care activities that don’t take much time would be perfect. For example, taking a hot bath and using essential oils or bath bombs could give you the time and space you need to clear your head.

Plan ahead for instances where you may feel overwhelmed.

Trying to have fun and cheery holiday celebrations while dealing with the grief of a loved one passing away can be difficult. It is inevitable that at some point you will feel sad, angry or overwhelmed about your loved one’s absence. Being prepared for these emotions will help you deal with them promptly, rather than allowing them to fester and ruin your whole day. You never know what could trigger you to remember your loved one, causing you to become sad and reminiscent. These memories can become overwhelming, so knowing how to deal with them in a healthy manner is a must.

In order to prepare, think about what you may say in order to excuse yourself from the table if things become too much. You will also want to plan where you will go to calm yourself down andwho you may seek advice or comfort from. Putting these plans in place is like investing in an emotional safety-net. If you stick to the plan, you will still feel your emotions but in a healthy manner, rather than allowing your feelings to encompass your whole mind.

Talk about your loved one and reminisce about the good times.

Sometimes it can feel wrong or awkward to bring up a loved one after they have passed away. However, it is actually healthy to have conversations about them in order to accept the fact that they are gone. Reminding yourself that they lived a happy and full life can also be extremely helpful when you begin to feel upset.

When you talk about your loved one to your other family members and friends, be sure to mention the good times in order to avoid triggering others. Reminisce about the good times. For example, tell a story about something funny that they used to do or even reflect on how they used to celebrate the holidays. If everyone present is comfortable, do something in their honor during your holiday celebration. This can help grant yourself and others closure in regards to your loved one’s passing.

Remember that it is okay to NOT be okay.

Everyone has a different grieving process and each person will heal in a different frame of time. If you notice that your other family members seem to be doing better than you, do not beat yourself up. They could be just as hurt as you are and just handle their emotions in a different manner. It is perfectly normal to feel any of the emotions you may be feeling, grief has a way of bringing up unexpected feelings. Being angry, sad, disappointed, resentful, or even numb is common among people going through the grieving process.

Remember that just because the holidays are meant to be “cheery and light”, that does not give you the obligation to pretend to be okay. It is important to feel your feelings and allow them to run their course. If you don’t allow yourself to feel your emotions, you could end up accidentally lashing out or snapping on someone you love. Plus, your loved ones will not fault you for being upset or needing support. Make your feelings a priority and you will be able to have a successfulholiday.

Are You Feeling “Showered” By Grief or Addiction This Spring?

feeling rain of grief and addiction

Spring has sprung! You can see trees, flowers and plants beginning to awaken from their winter sleep. With spring always comes “showers.” While we know the rain is needed to nurture the flowers to come, it’s easy to become tired of the storms.

I’ve been going through a very stormy time in my life. My family and I have been dealing with difficulties on every front- job, family, health and many uncertainties. Facing this has reminded me how tough it can be to weather the storm- to stay calm and patient.

Are you feeling the pain of grief or addiction? Here are some simple reminders to help you navigate the spring rains:

  • Sleep. Sounds simple, but it can be hard to sleep, and to have quality sleep when you are facing stress and hardship. If you are not sleeping well, try cutting off electronics and screens an hour before bed. Read. Relax. Exercise. And if all else fails, get a doctor’s advice.
  • Eat. Taking good care of you is most important when you are going through tough times. Stress can cause you to overeat- stuff down your feelings with a hunk of chocolate cake or a party size bag of Doritos. Some find it difficult to eat at all. Pay attention to what you are eating- and “what’s eating you.”
  • Drink. Water. Hydrate yourself and give your body good things. This would not include drowning your sorrows with an entire bottle of wine. You may forget your pain for the night, but the morning hangover always comes. If you need help with moderation- get some!
  • Smile. Have fun. This can be hard to do when you are facing challenges. When life is coming at you from all directions, it can feel like the wrong time to relax. However, it can be just the boost you need. Go outside. Drive to the beach. Call a friend who makes you laugh. Pray. Do something you enjoy.

Finding it too tough to handle the rain on your own? Ask for help! Find a trusted friend, rabbi, priest or pastor and get the support you need. You don’t have to face the storm alone.

Waiting for the “flowers” to appear during the storms of spring can be draining. Doing simple things to take care of yourself will fill you with the strength you need to get there.

Have some tips to add? Leave them in the comments section!

Feeling Down? Meditation Can Help!


HopeXchange is pleased to welcome guest blogger, Lucy Duncan. Lucy is a freelance writer and editor who loves self-improvement, meditation, and mindful living.

How meditation can help with depression

Depression is now considered to be one of the leading causes of disability and ill health worldwide. Psychotherapy or antidepressants are usually the first line treatments for depression, however a growing body of research suggest that meditating regularly could help with depression as it can change the way that the brain responds to stress and anxiety.

The link between stress, anxiety and depression

Stress and anxiety are two major triggers for depression. Meditation can help us get on top of that stress and anxiety before it escalates into depression, as well as being considered as a valid treatment for people who already are depressed.

With regular meditation practice the mind will become much calmer and more still, and you will find that you are more skilled at being engaged with the present moment, rather than carried away with thoughts, worries and concerns.

Meditation brings us back to the present moment

So often when we feel anxious or depressed, we find that our minds are busy with worried thoughts that are often about things that happened in the past or anticipated events in the future, this can trigger negative emotions and unhealthy thought patterns. It takes us out of the present moment, whereas meditation helps us learn to become more engaged with the here and now and find peace and calm within the present moment.

Meditation helps to focus the mind

According to Dr. John W Denninger, director of research at Massachusetts General Hospital “Meditation trains the brain to achieve sustained focus, and to return to that focus when negative thinking, emotions, and physical sensations intrude — which happens a lot when you feel stressed and anxious.” Research shows in fact that regular meditation can actually reverse brain patterns associated with poor attention and mind wandering. This is brought about by the sustained focused of the mind during meditation practice.

Meditation changes brain regions linked with depression

Scientists have demonstrated that the medial prefrontal cortex is hyperactive in depressed individuals. This is the brain centre that is responsible for processing information about yourself, which as mentioned, in depressed individuals this tends to revolve around worrying about the future and replaying events in the past. When people feel stressed and anxious abut themselves and their lives, the medial prefrontal cortex goes into overdrive.

Meditation breaks the connection between these brain regions

Another region that is over triggered in people with depression is the amygdala, otherwise known as the ‘fear centre’ of the brain. These two brain regions – The medial prefrontal cortex and the amygdala – actually work together to cause depression. When the mPFC goes into overdrive due to stress and anxiety, the amygdala responds by releasing a stress hormone to respond to a threat that only exists in our minds.

Stick with it to reap the benefits

Yet meditation can help to break the connection between the two. According to Dr. Denniger “When you meditate, you are better able to ignore the negative sensations of stress and anxiety, which explains, in part, why stress levels fall when you meditate.” It takes time to feel the results of meditation, but with regular practice of just 20-30 minutes a day, after one or two months you would start to notice the positive impact that it is having on your mental health.

Would you like to get into meditation? There’s a forest of information out there and it’s hard to know where to start. Indeed, there are many ways to begin too. First, take a look at this article on getting into meditation and check out this Guardian article on ways to get into meditation.

Having Trouble Sleeping? Try Meditation!


Tossing and turning when you lay down at night can be frustrating and tiring! If grief, worry or random thoughts are keeping you from getting restful sleep, it can affect your state of mind as well as your health. Numerous studies have shown that a lack of sleep can affect your bodies natural defenses against illness and disease.

If you are having trouble sleeping, it is important to take steps to improve the amount and quality of your nightly zzz’s.

Here is a great article on ways meditation can help – no sleeping pills needed!

Check it out and Start Sleeping better tonight!


Children and Grief: Where’s Our Baby?


How to Help Children with Grief after a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Newborn Death.

HopeXchange is proud to welcome guest poster, Valerie Oldfield, bereaved parent, and children’s writer whose background is in education and drama. Most recently she retired from grief support group facilitation, volunteer training as well as grief/death education. Find her book for grieving children, Where’s Our Baby on Amazon.

Just the same way everyone in the family shares the joyful anticipation that a new baby can bring, so does everyone in the family experience the grief when the new life is cut short. People believed for a long time that the youngest family members did not grieve. We know that just isn’t true. Parents can feel lost when it comes to their children’s thoughts and feelings and the subsequent behaviors. But there are concrete ways to bridge the generation gap and to allow room for the conversations when they are ready.

Young children have a very different understanding of the concepts around death:

  • they cannot grasp the permanence of death, it is only temporary and the deceased’s body can start to work again, in essence they can come back to life
  • dead means sleeping or away on a trip
  • they may wonder what the baby is doing now, they still live in a world of magical thinking

But, the sadness all around them does not go unnoticed. Their reactions can run the gamut:

  • feelings of guilt, worry, confusion, insecurity, fear and sadness, to name a few.

Young children often react with:

  • regressive behaviors i.e., wetting the bed, thumb sucking, neediness, etc.
  • they may repeat the same questions many times
  • their play may include themes of death and they can have a newfound interest in dead things
  • they may just as easily withdraw or lash out with playmates

With this knowledge we can aim our support to their special needs by:

  • most importantly, having children participate in any services or rituals the adults choose to do
  • accepting their behaviors, including regression
  • giving lots of hugs and other contact
  • encouraging them to play and draw so that they can work through their feelings and get a break from them as well, that is most natural for children of this age
  • allowing quiet times for them to express how they are feeling
  • using children’s books, around the topic of baby loss or any loss, can start the conversation
  • answering all their questions with simple explanations
  • not straying from their usual routines i.e., bedtimes, etc.
  • letting them cry and not hiding your tears in front of them

As a family, you will learn to live with the loss, each in his own way, and in his own time.