“Tough” Love: 9 Tips for Grieving Couples

Father's Day Can put a strain on grieving couples.

Father’s Day Can put a strain on grieving couples.

Father’s Day can stir a mix of emotions after a miscarriage. Fathers and Mothers can be affected by the event – which can be a painful reminder of loss.

You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples together, but it can actually do just the opposite. It is possible to emerge on the other side of grief with a closer marriage, but it does take work.

Here are some tips adapted from the book “Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death” that can help your marriage survive the stress of loss:
1. Give each other the freedom to grieve in an individual way. Resist the temptation to feel that your way is the only way to handle loss. Do not be fooled if it seems that your spouse has not been affected by the loss.
2. Remember the good times. Think about activities you enjoy as a couple and make time to do them- even if you do not feel up to it yet.
3. Expect tough times. Be tolerant with your mate and understand that you are both going to fail each other during this turbulent time.
4. Do not lash out at one another. In a weakened state of grief, this will only push you apart. Find constructive ways to release the stress and anger of grief.
5. Prepare for change. Loss and grief change people and it will change the face of your marriage. Decide together that this trial will bring you closer and commit to your relationship.
6. Reach out. Resist the urge to spend time away from your mate or reach out to others who better understand your grief.
7. Avoid placing blame. Tossing accusations at your spouse will only place a wedge in your relationship. Understand that feelings of guilt, anger, and confusion are normal during this time.
8. Love each other. Be sure to offer the hugs, cuddling, and love that each partner needs to feel secure and supported. Be sure to resume your physical relationship as soon as possible.
9. Seek information and support.

Educate yourselves on grief and try to understand one another. If you are having difficulties resolving your grief as a couple and you feel your marriage is in trouble, get help immediately! Do not wait until it is too late to seek help.

There are no easy answers for couples dealing with pregnancy loss. It is crucial that you make the decision to put your marriage first and then do it!
Lisa Church is author of “Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death” and founder of HopeXchange, a company dedicated to helping women and their families facing miscarriage.

Having Trouble Sleeping? Try Meditation!

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Tossing and turning when you lay down at night can be frustrating and tiring! If grief, worry or random thoughts are keeping you from getting restful sleep, it can affect your state of mind as well as your health. Numerous studies have shown that a lack of sleep can affect your bodies natural defenses against illness and disease.

If you are having trouble sleeping, it is important to take steps to improve the amount and quality of your nightly zzz’s.

Here is a great article on ways meditation can help – no sleeping pills needed!

Check it out and Start Sleeping better tonight!

 

Facing Tough Times? Music Can Soothe the Soul

music

I recently lost someone I love to cancer. We talked almost every day until her treatment took her out of state. Many of our conversations were about staying strong, having hope and our faith. I often felt helpless watching the endless procedures she endured and the unrelenting side effects of chemo.

We shared a love for music. So one of the small things I felt I could do for my friend is send her uplifting songs to listen too. Every morning I would carefully choose a song for her and text the link to her phone, along with a short message. This was my daily routine for over a year.

Having a “Losing” Season? Give it Time

shot-clockFor sports fans everywhere, March is about brackets and basketball. Excited college fans, students, players, teams and coaches gear up and strive for the BIG win- the Final Four. Since only four teams make it to the elusive Final Four, only a select few teams end the season as “winners.” The others deal with the disappointment of a losing season.

No one wants to have a losing season…in basketball or in life. Sometimes we all have “seasons” in our lives when we feel like we just can’t win- and we can’t figure out what to do differently. Watching a team struggle through

Are You Feeling “Showered” By Grief or Addiction This Spring?

feeling rain of grief and addiction

Spring has sprung! You can see trees, flowers and plants beginning to awaken from their winter sleep. With spring always comes “showers.” While we know the rain is needed to nurture the flowers to come, it’s easy to become tired of the storms.

I’ve been going through a very stormy time in my life. My family and I have been dealing with

October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

 

October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

Did you know that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month? This month can be a simple way to open the door to conversations about your feelings and your baby. You may want to talk to your family, friends, your community or maybe your spouse or significant other about your child who died.

You May choose to participate in Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day, by lighting a candle in honor of your baby. Get more information and join others across the nation on October 15th.

Wearing a pink and blue Pregnancy Loss Awareness Ribbon during October, or anytime, is a great way to increase awareness and honor your baby.