- Remember that men normally grieve in private- not in public. You may not see outward signs that a man is grieving, but do not be fooled. Understand that a man in grief will find himself in a difficult position- he will be shamed if he expresses deep emotions in public and he will be shamed if he does not.
- Be aware that men often experience anger differently then women during grief. While women may tend to point anger inward, men often direct their anger outward. This can manifest as anger toward you or even God. Remember that expressed anger is a normal and healthy response, however hostile behavior is not.
- Listen. Remember that some men want to talk, but they feel there is no one to listen. A man may also be uncomfortable putting his feelings into words. Encourage him by listening during those times when he does talk about it.
- Ask what you can do. It is very important to ask what you can do to be of service to a man during his grief, and then do your best to meet his needs.
- Keep an open mind. Remember that grief is an individual experience. Assuming that a man is not feeling pain if he grieves differently than you will only cause strife and misunder-standing.
Tag Archives: mental-health
The Silent Storm: A Father’s Grief
Fathers can sometimes be forgotten during the grief of miscarriage. Although society expects a woman to show emotion and sorrow, it often expects a man to be the ‘strong one’ and protector of the family. This can lead to great frustration and lack of support for fathers.
3 Powerful Tips: For a Great New Year!

Home for the Holidays: Tips for Grieving Families

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Talk about grief and feelings with one another and as a family. Confront any questions or concerns that surface about how family members are handling their grief.
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Encourage open discussions about the loss and do not be afraid to cry together.
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Accept help and support from others. Also be sure to recognize when other family members may need additional help.
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Allow space for individuals to experience grief in his or her own way without criticism.
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Try to stick with family routines as much as possible to foster stability and consistency
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Individual time. Allow family members to ask for time alone when it is needed.
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Remember that everyone in your family will move through grief at a different pace. Allow time for family members who need it, while enjoying the success of those who are resolving their grief.
Recognizing the differences each of you face in dealing with grief will allow you to pull together during a time when it is most important. Although grief can turn your attention inward, be sure to focus on your family during the Holiday Season.
The above is an excerpt from the book Hope is Like the Sun.
Help for the Holidays: Enjoy the Season
With Thanksgiving just hours away, you may find that you struggle to feel “thankful” after suffering a loss. My family has had a challenging year, and after feeling the weight and stress for months, my husband and I decided we should strive to focus even more on what we are thankful for this year. It can be so easy to get caught up in the loss and pain, but a simple decision to change your focus, can change the season for you and your family.
- Set aside private time for yourself. Shedding a few tears in private can be a great stress reliever and it will reduce your frustration throughout the day.
- Plan ahead of time. Make shopping lists, organize your tasks, and leave plenty of time to accomplish them. Reducing some of the normal headaches of the holidays can alleviate added pressures.
- Educate others on your needs. If you prefer your family talk about your baby rather than avoid the subject, let them know ahead of time.
- Do something different. You may find that changing your holiday routine or allowing someone else to host an event you normally plan can give you a new outlook and reduce stress.
- Do something for someone else. Buy a gift for someone in need, adopt a less-fortunate family, or make a donation in your baby’s memory. Helping others is a great way to heal.
The holidays should be a time of joy and celebration. Taking some steps to prepare for them, and allowing yourself the space you need, can make them a better experience for you.
“Mad” About You: Simple Steps for Resolving Anger
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Write a letter to the person you feel angry with: yourself, your baby, your spouse, a family member, or even God .
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Talk to a close friend or professional about the anger you are feeling.
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Find a healthy outlet for your anger such as punching a pillow, intense exercise, yelling or screaming aloud (not at another person) or even running around the block as fast as you can.
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Help another person. Use your restless energy to clean someone’s house, mow a lawn or fix a meal for someone in need. Focusing on others is a great way to take your mind off your pain.
- Cry. Many women (and even men) release their anger through tears.
- Confront the source of your anger. If you are angry with a spouse or family member have an honest discussion during a time when you are NOT feeling angry. If needed, ask a close friend or professional to help.
- If you are angry with God or your baby, face an empty chair and have a ‘confrontation,’ expressing your anger.
Adapted from the book Hope is Like the Sun ©
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A New Dawn: Adjusting to Life Without Your Baby
- Return to work. Going back to work can help you to feel that you are getting back to your routine. It is also helpful to be surrounded by familiar and caring co-workers.
- Keep your routine as normal as possible. Maintaining structure will help you feel a sense of control.
- Volunteer. Helping others actually helps to keep your mind off of yourself, and it can improve your perspective. This is both rewarding and healing.
- Indulge yourself. Get a message, go shopping, or treat yourself to a facial or manicure. Anything you find relaxing or soothing will help.
- Recognize your progress. Notice when you can get through a few hours or days without pain. Find something you are thankful for, laugh, look forward to something. Recognize when you can talk about your loss more easily or feel less preoccupied with yourself and your loss.
- Get counseling if you cannot function normally, you feel no relief, or your grief has gone on for too long. If, despite all of your efforts, you cannot cope or adjust, seek professional help.
“Man Handle”: Helping Men Handle Loss
- Remember that men normally grieve in private- not in public. You may not see outward signs that a man is grieving, but do not be fooled. Understand that a man in grief will find himself in a difficult position- he will be shamed if he expresses deep emotions in public and he will be shamed if he does not.
- Be aware that men often experience anger differently then women during grief. While women may tend to point anger inward, men often direct their anger outward. This can manifest as anger toward you or even God. Remember that expressed anger is a normal and healthy response, however hostile behavior is not.
- Listen. Remember that some men want to talk, but they feel there is no one to listen. A man may also be uncomfortable putting his feelings into words. Encourage him by listening during those times when he does talk about it.
- Ask what you can do. It is very important to ask what you can do to be of service to a man during his grief, and then do your best to meet his needs.
- Keep an open mind. Remember that grief is an individual experience. Assuming that a man is not feeling pain if he grieves differently than you will only cause strife and misunder-standing.