Soup, Sandwiches and Humble Pie

Volunteer

Last week my family volunteered at a men’s homeless shelter, serving soup and sandwiches on a gray and rainy Sunday afternoon. I thought it would be a good experience for my teenage daughter who is enamored with $100 Nikes, Beats and iPhones. What I wasn’t expecting, was how that lunch would affect me.

As the men worked their way across the line, picking up soup and choosing a ham or PB & J sandwich- I noticed they were from all walks of life. There were young men, men in wheel chairs, older men- well dressed with slicked back hair. Some were dressed in their work clothes, coming over for lunch before their shift started. As I handed them a sandwich and chatted briefly with each one, I knew that every one of them had a story…and I wanted to hear it.

One by one, the men filed by, picking up their lunch and warmly greeting us. Some of them didn’t even choose what kind of sandwich they wanted- they were just overjoyed to have a meal. Every man thanked us, and many said, “God bless you,” as they reached the end of the line with their warm soup and saran-wrapped sandwich. One man said a long blessing over his lunch, visibly thankful for his food. I couldn’t get over how grateful they were for this simple lunch. It was humbling. I suddenly felt guilty and ungrateful for my complaints about the little inconveniences of life. These men didn’t know where their next meal was coming from and I grumble when the cappuccino machine at work is out of service.

I looked out over the men as they ate and wondered what circumstances had brought them there. These people were no different than my family and me. So why were they in line at a homeless shelter and why were we on the other side of the glass, serving them?

When lunch was over, I couldn’t stop thinking about the men at the shelter. As I laid down that night to go to sleep, I’m not sure why, but I started to cry. I thought serving lunch to a group of homeless men would be a nice thing to do- I had no idea what it would do for me. It was a vivid reminder that we should truly appreciate everything we have, everyone we love and everyone who loves us. Deciding if we will focus on what we have, or fixate on what we don’t have is a choice. Choose to be grateful today.

Questions Without Answers: Why Me? Why God?

questions21Why Me?

Facing a major loss usually causes us to confront or even reconsider our basic beliefs about God, religion, death, and the afterlife. Some may turn to God for strength and comfort, while others find themselves questioning the religious beliefs they have known all of their lives.

Even those who have no religious upbringing may feel angry with God, or abandoned. Everyone responds to loss differently, but it almost always forces us to confront questions we may have been avoiding…about death…about God…about ourselves.

9/11: The Worst Kind of Loss

9-11_Pic-300x200We can all remember exactly what we were doing when the attacks began on 9/11. It was a day that will be forever etched in our memories. For some, the day marked the tragic death of a loved one- a mother, brother, son, co-worker, granddaughter, spouse or friend. An unimaginable loss.

Death is an unfortunate part of life, but when it comes as a result of a tragedy, it seems even harder to bear. My family has suffered many losses since that day on September 11th, 2001. My beloved father-in-law passed away after a good long life, and a daily battle to breathe was ended. My young brother-in-law who fought for his country, fought his last gruesome battle with cancer and finally ended his painful journey. Both of these fine men are in a better place, and while we struggle to fill the holes in our hearts, we have peace.

Can You Be 100% Sure You are Going to Heaven When You Die

The losses that haunt us, are the ones we don’t see coming. My husband’s best friend, an active guy and avid golfer, who died in his driveway of a massive heart attack. He was 41 years old. My excited family member who went to the hospital to have twin daughters, and brought home only one baby girl. The year before 9/11, I lost a baby of my own to miscarriage, before ever having a chance to be born.

When tragedy strikes and takes a loved one away from us, we feel a different kind of pain. The peace that can come from knowing that a painful illness has ended, or appreciating a long, full life isn’t there to comfort us. The chance to say goodbye is taken away. And these are the ghosts that haunt our sleep and make it difficult to heal.

Help with Overcoming Grief and Loneliness

So what can we do if we’ve suffered this kind of tragic loss? The kind that rained down on so many families on 9/11. There is never a magic formula to healing- it is such a personal and difficult journey. However, you must always begin with grieving. You have to feel the pain to move past it- really feel it. You can shove it down, avoid it, but it will be there-lurking and waiting to reveal itself. Grieve. When you’ve felt the pain you can begin the long process of healing. And it is there you have a decision to make. Will you live in the past, holding on to the pain of your loss, covered in the death of your loved one? Or will you move ahead, making a new kind of life, and finding a different happiness? A monumental choice to make.

On this 14th anniversary of 9/11, a date that marks so much pain and suffering, a monument now stands in place of the Twin Towers. The damage to the Pentagon has been repaired, and the pieces of the plane in Pennsylvania have been gathered. If you are grieving a loss today, will you pick up the pieces and move on? You are the living, so choose life.