A Birthday Message: Don’t Lose Hope

Don't Lose Hope!

Today is my birthday. We won’t say just how many I’ve celebrated, but I’ve had a few. This year, I decided to have a goal for my birthday. I’ve done this before on “milestone” birthdays -those numbers that scare us. This year wasn’t any special number, but I wanted to have something to work toward. As the school year wrapped up, I decided I would run in a 5K for my birthday. I hadn’t run in years, so for me, this was “starting from scratch,” and honestly, I really needed the exercise.

My husband joined in and said he would run too. Now this was getting fun. Since his training started well after mine, I determined that my added goal would be to beat him in the 5K. My household can get a little competitive…what can I say? My 11-year-old daughter and I bet one week’s allowance that I would beat her very athletic(and super tall) Dad. This was getting good. Until my travel and work schedule interrupted my husband’s training. He wasn’t going to be ready in time. Now what? I decided if I couldn’t try to beat him, I would try to place in my age group. I looked up the winning times from the previous year – wow these chicks were serious. Even to come in 3rd place, I was going to have to finish in 30 minutes. So I kept at it. I really wanted to place –  and now my daughter was pulling for me. She was watching.

The day of the 5K came. My training had been interrupted by a nagging sore ankle ( I had twisted it running in the early morning darkness) and 2 weeks of travel right before the race. I was as ready as I could be. It was just me and the course. And the course was tough. I had never run on these trails and there were so many hills. Of course I didn’t mind the down hill, but the up hill was kicking my “up hill.” The course by my house that I had run so faithfully for weeks was completely flat. I wasn’t quite prepared for a hilly run on a cold, breezy day. My final time was 31 minutes 10 seconds.

My family was all there to cheer me on and watch me cross the finish line. They had taken pictures and captured my start and finish on video. They were awesome. But I had fallen short of my 30 minute goal. Although I was pleased to finish and put in a decent time, I was disappointed. I really wanted to place.

As the course started to clear off, we made our way to the water, snacks and coffee that awaited the runners and their families. My girls enjoyed every snack available, and as the crowd grew larger they got ready to hand out the awards: 1st, 2nd and 3rd place for each age group. We had been there quite a while and my toddler was getting restless, so I turned to my husband and asked if we should go. Immediately my daughter interrupted, “We can’t leave mom, they are going to hand out the medals now.” I explained to her that my time wasn’t going to be good enough to place, so it was okay to leave. She looked me right in the eye and said, “You can’t give up hope mom.” It was so profound the way she said it. Very mature and sincere words for a girl her age. Her words affected me…and I decided to stay.

As they began calling up winners from other age groups, I realized that many of the groups had put in slower times. The course had been tough on everyone. My daughter was looking smarter by the minute. Finally, they came to my age group, and I was feeling a little anxious. When they announced the 3rd place winner…the time was 4 minutes slower than mine…and I suddenly realized I was going to place. My time, although slower than my goal, was good enough to win 1st place in my age group. I was ecstatic (as you can see in the picture of my big grin above). The best moment was when my daughter hugged me and said she was proud of me – not an easy thing to accomplish with a head strong “tween.”

When I thought back over the day, my daughter’s words really struck me. Her committed plea to keep hoping until the end was my lesson. I realized that no matter what your circumstances are, you have to keep on hoping. So today, as I reflect and celebrate my birthday, I want to pass on to you the same earnest message. Whatever you are going through…don’t lose hope.

Help for the Holidays: Enjoy the Season

Help for the Holidays

With Thanksgiving just hours away, you may find that you struggle to feel “thankful” after suffering a loss. My family has had a challenging year, and after feeling the weight and stress for months, my husband and I decided we should strive to focus even more on what we are thankful for this year. It can be so easy to get caught up in the loss and pain, but a simple decision to change your focus, can change the season for you and your family.

The holidays can be a great way to occupy your mind, keep your hands busy, and put you in the company of supportive friends and loved ones. However, there will still be times of pain and situations that serve as reminders of your loss. Be sure to take steps to make the holidays as peaceful and joyful as possible.  Here are some suggestions:
  • Set aside private time for yourself. Shedding a few tears in private can be a great stress reliever and it will reduce your frustration throughout the day.
  • Plan ahead of time. Make shopping lists, organize your tasks, and leave plenty of time to accomplish them. Reducing some of the normal headaches of the holidays can alleviate added pressures.
  • Educate others on your needs.  If you prefer your family talk about your baby rather than avoid the subject, let them know ahead of time.
  • Do something different. You may find that changing your holiday routine or allowing someone else to host an event you normally plan can give you a new outlook and reduce stress.
  • Do something for someone else. Buy a gift for someone in need, adopt a less-fortunate family, or make a donation in your baby’s memory. Helping others is a great way to heal.

The holidays should be a time of joy and celebration. Taking some steps to prepare for them, and allowing yourself the space you need, can make them a better experience for you.

This information was adapted from the book Hope is Like the Sun.