Grief: “No Pain, No Gain”

Something very painful happened in my family this week that resulted in a huge loss. I got the news in the middle of a Birthday party. During a fun celebration of life, I heard that someone had tragically died. Your first instincts when something terrible happens is just to avoid it- don’t think about it, talk about it or face the deep feelings of sorrow that are swirling around just below the surface.

But the truth is, there is no way to avoid feeling the pain of grief. There are not short cuts, no secrets to getting around it- you must feel the pain of grief to move through it. Everyone has heard the saying “No pain, no gain.” This is particularly true when dealing with grief. Allow yourself to feel the emotions and pain of your loss, so you can move on. 

Here are some suggestions to help you experience the pain of grief:

  • Give yourself permission to grieve, and lean on others when you need too. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions.
  • Learn about miscarriage and grief, and read stories about others facing loss. You can visit the local bookstore, library, or even go online. Visit HopeXchange at: http://www.HopeXchange.com and see the list of websites on the Resource page.
  • Talk with others facing pregnancy loss, go online, or join a support group. A list of support groups can be found by visiting HopeXchange at: http://www.hopexchange.com/ResourcesLinks.htm and clicking on National Organizations & Support Groups.
  • Write! Writing to heal requires no special skill or talent and it is very therapeutic. Simply begin with “I feel…” Keeping a journal or writing daily can lead you through your grief.

Talking with others and writing are both excellent ways to move toward recovery. Putting your feelings into words can validate them and provide a healthy outlet, paving the way for closure and healing.

 The above was adapted from an excerpt of the book Hope is Like the Sun.

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