Remembering Your Baby: Forever in Your Heart

Candle heart

Light a flame to remember your baby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is a great time to remember and memorialize your baby. Here are some tips we share each year at this time, adapted from the book Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death.

There are countless ways to remember and honor your baby. No matter how much time has passed since your miscarriage, it is never too late to memorialize your child.

You can find comfort and healing by incorporating your baby’s memory into your life. Here are some suggestions:

–       Create a memory box. Include any mementos you may have from your baby. A positive pregnancy test, a toy, stuffed animal or outfit you bought for the baby (if you do not have one, then buy one). Anything you may have that reminds you of your pregnancy or your baby can be included, even if you just have a few things.

–     Make a donation in your baby’s name. Publicly acknowledge your child by making a charitable donation, or give something to a needy child that is the same age your child would have been now. Also consider submitting an article or poem about your baby to a newspaper or magazine.

–       Make something for the baby such as a quilt, a painting, a cross stitch, an outfit, a piece of pottery or furniture.

–       Buy a piece of jewelry that symbolizes your baby. Your baby’s birthstone, or an engraved necklace with your baby’s name can be good choices.

–       Plant a tree or garden in memory of your baby. You may even choose a houseplant or  indoor tree. Decorate the tree at special times of the year to remember your baby.

–       Add your baby to the family tree. If you named your baby, add him or her permanently to the family by including the baby in your family tree.

–       Donate baby items that you may have bought or received to a worthy charity. You may also do this in your baby’s name.

–       Have a celebration each year on your baby’s birthday or due date.

–       Include your baby in the hospital’s Remembrance Book. Most hospitals have a remembrance book, and even if your baby did not die in a hospital, you can contact the Chaplin at your local hospital.

–       Light a candle for the baby every evening until you feel you do not need to anymore. After that, burn it once a month, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, or on special anniversaries.

Remembering your baby is a very personal thing.  There is no right or wrong way to honor your child. Taking the time to memorialize your baby will bring you closure and comfort as your move through your grief, and work toward recovery.

Be Aware: October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

In 1988 President Ronald Reagan declared October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Unfortunately, the President had a very personal experience with infant loss during his first marriage, when his newborn baby died just 7 hours after birth.

Many states have declared October 15th as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, but remembrance and events are seen throughout this important month.

 

What do this mean to you? Awareness Month is a simple way to open the door to conversations about your feelings and your baby. You may want to talk to your family, friends, your community or maybe your spouse or significant other about your child who died.

Wearing a pink and blue Pregnancy Loss Awareness Ribbon during October, or anytime, is a great way to increase awareness and honor your baby. You can buy a Pregnancy Loss Awareness Pin by visiting StockPins.com. The pins are well-made, inexpensive and arrive in a few business days.

Pregnancy Loss Awareness Ribbons can be handmade with pink and blue ribbon or purchased. The pins should be worn on the left-hand side just above your heart- where your baby already lives.

We post this information each year to share this very important event.

What I’ve Learned From Cancer

No, I don’t have cancer. But the disease has greatly impacted my life over the past year. My Mom and my best friend were both diagnosed within 2 months of each other. Then my Mom’s best friend a few months later. If that weren’t enough, a family friend lost his long battle and passed away- on Christmas Eve. I’ve been surrounded by cancer for the past year. Completely surrounded.

Looking back over the past months, I wouldn’t relive them- not even for the biggest Lotto jackpot ever. But, I have realized some important things during these grueling days…things I don’t want to forget.

Every Day is a Gift

Life can seem so random and unfair, especially when your loved ones are being attacked by a horrible disease. Watching those I care about fighting through and for every day made me realize that each one of those days is a gift. I started to feel ashamed that my husband and children and I were in perfect health and I had hardly given it a thought. I was reminded, almost daily, how fragile life can be and how ungrateful I had been for taking it all for granted. My struggles seemed to shrink next to the life and death situations I was reluctantly a part of. I have a renewed appreciation for getting up every morning- and I don’t want to waste a single day.

Say “I Love You”

Facing death- your’s or someone close to you- gives you instant clarity. You suddenly realize what and who you could lose. And you don’t want to leave anything unsaid. I felt compelled to share my deep feelings- to say, ” I love you,” as often as possible. We always feel that we’ll have time for that another day and we put off having serious or meaningful conversations with those we care about.  I found myself being more direct with the people I love, because wasting time seemed unwise and risky. Say the hard things, but also say the good things; and say them more than ever.

Your Attitude Matters

Watching how each of my loved ones are handling their horrible circumstances has been eye opening. I’ve seen almost daily bouts of doubt, fear and anger tempered by incredible hope, strength and faith. I’ve witnessed the roller coaster rides of good news and bad news and intense periods of waiting and wondering. Nothing tests your internal fortitude quite like that. And these tests reminded me that your attitude is everything. The difference between making the most of every day- and just surviving. The difference between living and just breathing. Our attitude is all wrapped up in that complicated brain or ours…and it’s the key to everything. We all hold the key to a good life.

Hold on to Your Faith

My biggest lesson in watching the people I love struggle through cancer is the ultimate importance of faith. It’s hard to get up in morning if you’ve decided their is no hope. And hope- the kind that is real, the kind that endures, comes through real faith. Not the kind that makes people dress up on Sunday and “play church.” But the kind that brings peace and defies logic. A faith you can lean on when everything around you is crumbling apart. A belief so strong, you can face death, and not be afraid.

For me, that faith is in God. The pain and grief of watching the people I care about in a fight for their lives took a toll on me. I felt some very dark days, and cried my share of tears. But through it all, I have leaned on my faith. I didn’t have a choice- I just wasn’t strong enough. Having to rely on my faith to get me through the day made it stronger. Watching my loved ones doing the same renewed it even more. I honestly don’t know how you make it through such an incredible battle without it. I don’t think I could. If you are interested in a faith like that, find a pastor, priest, rabbi or trusted “faithful” friend you can talk too. It could can change how you live…and how you die.

Game Changer: Video Game for Grief on TED Talks

We often think of video games as a competition, an escape or even mindless entertainment. But how about a a video game designed to help the player cope with grief?

Watch as video game creator Amy Green talks about the award her game won; and how it failed to compare with just one photo of her son, who inspired the game. Green speaks candidly about cancer, grief and hope and how it changed her life. A must watch TED Talk!

Moms and Future Moms: Great Advice from Joanna Gaines

Joanna Gaines from HGTV’s “Fixer Upper”

Calling all Moms, expectant Moms, and women who want to be Moms! This fantastic article about Joanna Gaines is for you! Joanna, or “Jojo” from HGTV’s hit show “Fixer Upper,” openly talks about her faith, her husband Chip (also on the show), and her four children. In this moving article, she opens up about a difficult decision she made on her path to the show and the struggle of Moms to find the balance in raising children. There is also a great message for women who are trying to become a Mom.

I was already a HUGE fan of the show, but this article just made me love it even more. Enjoy this must-read article, shared by RAZC at Q Political. Read Joanna’s honest words about her faith and family, just Weeks Before Mothers Day.

Being “Whole”: Holistic Help for Fighting Addiction

HopeXchange is proud to welcome back Constance Ray with another distinguished guest post! Constance co-created RecoveryWell to provide a safe place for people to share their addiction stories so that others can learn from them and benefit in their own lives. In this article, you’ll find excellent advice on conquering addiction in non-traditional ways. Great information for anyone looking to overcome unhealthy habits.

Photo courtesy of Unsplash by Kristopher Allison

Congratulations on your decision to invest in your self care and your future by getting clean. This is an exciting and important decision, even if it feels scary, confusing or overwhelming at first. In fact, today is literally the first day of the rest of your life. Coming clean from drugs and/or alcohol won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

If you don’t have a sponsor or aren’t in recovery yet, you may not be certain where to begin. You’ll probably experience a broad range of emotions, from anger to depression to fear. Know that all of this is normal, and that you don’t have to go through it alone. This article will discuss holistic treatment options that are a perfect complement to (rather than substitute for) more traditional addiction recovery methods.

There are some alternative or “holistic” healing practices that have been shown to help aid the addiction recovery process. Yoga, meditation, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, tapping and many more holistic methodologies are helpful at reducing the body’s stress response, which can of course help reduce the urge to drink or use drugs during stressful situations.

Science is just starting to understand why and how ancient, holistic and alternative healing methods are able to assist with addiction recovery. However, early indications are that it has to do with our stress hormones. When we are stressed, our brains release cortisol and adrenaline, which have been linked to a wide variety of conditions ranging from PTSD to depression to anxiety to – you guessed it – substance abuse.

A recent study showed the effects of yoga for changing the brain. This specific study, which was published in the Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine in 2007 (and not to mention, funded in part by the National Institute on Drug Abuse) showed promising results. According to the study, yoga actually changes levels of neurotransmitters in the brain which are associated with anxiety and depression. Because anxiety, depression and stress drive a lot of people to abuse drugs and alcohol (or relapse during recovery), these results are promising for those seeking treatment for their addictions. Yoga has been so powerful in helping people recover from addiction that a documentary has even been made about it. Indeed, many of the world’s leading “celebrity” yoga teachers are themselves former addicts who found recovery thanks to their daily yoga practice.

Like yoga, which is a deeply spiritual practice for many people, there are also several alternative programs out there that focus on spirituality and connection with God or a Higher Power as a key to addiction recovery. Indeed, even the twelve step programs themselves focus on the importance of surrendering to recovery by “letting go and letting God.” However, some people prefer a spiritual approach to addiction recovery without having to go through an actual twelve-step program. If you’ve tried a traditional twelve-step program but haven’t had much luck, you may want to consider reaching out to groups like Celebrate Recovery or LifeRing Secular Recovery for additional help.

While the field of addiction recovery is still relatively new, and there is still such research to be done, recent studies have had very promising results. Those in recovery are currently more empowered than ever to take their lives into their own hands. With so many complementary tools to choose from, you can create a custom- tailored addiction recovery plan that is suited to your individual needs. Good luck on your journey. You’ve already taken the first step!

The Truth About Adversity: Can It Create Opportunity?

Ever heard of Aimee Mullins? I discovered her amazing story and TED Talk recently. Spend 21 minutes that can change your day…and even beyond. Watch her moving and inspirational TED Talk!

If you are dealing with adversity, this video is for YOU! Watch and then leave your comment. Let’s have a real conversation about tough times.